In another of my classes, Women's Studies 001, we are required to follow a blog that discusses any topic related to the course material. On the blog I decided to follow, feministing.com, I found a fairly old post from August 2010 called Love the Way You Lie. This post showed a group chat of women's opinions on the music video to the song by Rihanna and Eminem. There seems to be a lot of controversy over whether or not the music video is making domestic violence a bit more sexy or glamorous. Although after being thrown against a wall and almost being punched in the face, Megan Fox, the female in the video, doesn't walk out, but instead kisses Dominic Monaghan, the male in the video. The depiction of abuse turning into sexual experiences is the issue at hand.
As a person who was once in this situation, I wasn't "turned on" by the abuse, and I don't believe that is what the video is showing. I believe the video is showing a true account of domestic violence in a relationship where both people are abusive, each taking turns provoking the other. For me, staying with the abusive boyfriend was because I felt there was no way out. And acting like everything was alright, which does mean kissing and acting like a couple, was the only way to avoid further abuse. Maybe it is because of my experiences, but to me it seems that Megan Fox is in the same position. She wants to be out of the relationship and tries leaving in part of the video, but finds herself being brought back in because of the violent threats posed against her.
Another aspect of the video that some people disagree with is the ending. It starts and ends the same way, with the couple laying in bed sleeping. It was a good choice to do this because it shows a cycle. Many think that it was a bad idea because it doesn't seem to give enough advice, almost, to get out of the relationship. I think it's more along the lines of reality, than what should happen in a situation like this. As much as someone wants to get out of a relationship like this, it's definitely a struggle and can take a long time with a lot of efforts. I attempted leaving my ex-boyfriend 27 times before I finally was able to. I receive constant criticism that I should have told someone or just got up and left, and what people don't understand is that it's not that easy, which is why I believe that this music video is an accurate depiction of domestic violence and the cycle it can take on.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Rapists Still in Power
An issue related to women's rights that I care deeply about is domestic violence and rape. To start off this blog I should start by telling my story:
When I was a junior in high school, I dated a boy from another school. Altogether, the relationship lasted about a year, which was way too long. The summer after junior year he sort of moved me into his family's house. When I moved in, so did the abuse. I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I stayed with him until October. One day, it all became too much. I took back what he had stolen from me: my voice. The time after the break up was miserable because I was too afraid to leave my house. I filed for a Protection From Abuse order (PFA) and had a court hearing set up. I had no idea what would happen at the court hearing until I was caught up in it.
An article on abcnews.com, published January 12, 2011, tells of an accused rapist in Florida and his hearing. The accused, Luis Munuzuri-Harris, decided to defend himself without the aid of a lawyer. What most people don't know is that the defendant, the accused rapist, has an opportunity to cross-examine the victim with or without a lawyer. This was the surprise I had in store at my court hearing. Harris questioned the victim for two full hours, asking very personal questions about the night of the assault. The judge eventually told Harris it was unnecessary to take such a long time between questions and ask such irrelevant questions as "whether she wore underwear".
Another article about this hearing on change.org tells of the many women who refuse to relive the rape by answering questions from the man who allegedly committed the assault. Some even threaten to commit suicide instead. Many women drop the charges because they can't go through with the questioning. It seems completely ridiculous to put a victim through that, and I know from experience. When someone who knows every last detail about the rape asks you, "Did you want to have sex with the man you say raped you?" it is hard not to run out on the hearing. Rape and domestic violence is something a victim will never be able to forget, so why is it alright to have the victim questioned by the rapist?
http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/accused_rapist_cross-examines_his_victim_then_wants_lawyer_after_all
http://abcnews.go.com/US/accused-rapist-cross-examines-alleged-victim-florida-courtroom/story?id=12600166
When I was a junior in high school, I dated a boy from another school. Altogether, the relationship lasted about a year, which was way too long. The summer after junior year he sort of moved me into his family's house. When I moved in, so did the abuse. I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I stayed with him until October. One day, it all became too much. I took back what he had stolen from me: my voice. The time after the break up was miserable because I was too afraid to leave my house. I filed for a Protection From Abuse order (PFA) and had a court hearing set up. I had no idea what would happen at the court hearing until I was caught up in it.
An article on abcnews.com, published January 12, 2011, tells of an accused rapist in Florida and his hearing. The accused, Luis Munuzuri-Harris, decided to defend himself without the aid of a lawyer. What most people don't know is that the defendant, the accused rapist, has an opportunity to cross-examine the victim with or without a lawyer. This was the surprise I had in store at my court hearing. Harris questioned the victim for two full hours, asking very personal questions about the night of the assault. The judge eventually told Harris it was unnecessary to take such a long time between questions and ask such irrelevant questions as "whether she wore underwear".
Another article about this hearing on change.org tells of the many women who refuse to relive the rape by answering questions from the man who allegedly committed the assault. Some even threaten to commit suicide instead. Many women drop the charges because they can't go through with the questioning. It seems completely ridiculous to put a victim through that, and I know from experience. When someone who knows every last detail about the rape asks you, "Did you want to have sex with the man you say raped you?" it is hard not to run out on the hearing. Rape and domestic violence is something a victim will never be able to forget, so why is it alright to have the victim questioned by the rapist?
http://womensrights.change.org/blog/view/accused_rapist_cross-examines_his_victim_then_wants_lawyer_after_all
http://abcnews.go.com/US/accused-rapist-cross-examines-alleged-victim-florida-courtroom/story?id=12600166
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